But me and Jon talked about it, and he said that if I wanted to and could wait for him to save up a little bit to get my started and keep me going until I found a job, he’d help me move down to Georgia.

And I looked at apartments online, and they have these dorm type apartments where they set you up with a room mate, and you get your own locking bathroom and bedroom but then you share a kitchen, livingroom, and dining room with 1-3 other room mates.. which is scary but it’d also be a great way to meet people while having cheap rent. I mean, $300-$414 a month is fantastic for one person’s rent.

And then Jon would stay with me on weekends, since he isn’t allowed to sleep off base during the week unless he gets married in the next two years. (yikes! too soon!)

But then tonight, my mom was on the phone and she tells the person she was talking to that she’d rather kill herself than feel like this, and that I’m pretty much the only thing keeping her alive, and that if I left.. that’d be it. And I don’t know how to feel about this. Last week, she told me that if I wanted to go and live my life, than thats what she wanted for me. She told me that I need to start living for me, and that I’ll never do that if I stay behind to take care of her. But how am I supposed to even think about moving out after that?

Granted, it’d be months before I could do anything.. but still. It’s May, and she’s been like this since January (at least, it comes and goes with severity).. and back then, it was gonna be months before I moved out.. nothing changes.

And I can’t do anything about it. I can’t force her to get sober, and I can’t do anything to make her feel better. So, I’m just stuck here watching her deteriorate without anyone to help me through it.